loss (freeverse)

You've come, you've left;
Phenomenal shades of affection
Cut me blind under seminal rapture,
Exposing dark space.

I collapse against the weight of presence,
Succumbing to a brilliant exposure of impressions,
Which later embed themselves in traces
Of lamenting time.

Appearance becomes all I have;
After departure: imagination takes phase. 

My life is only living
Through distant gaze. 

The closer i come; the quicker it's lost; the deeper i go...

Genuine closeness lives in 
A proximity farther than you could ever grasp,
And dies just the same.

In the gaps between closure,
Everything is perfection

And bitter

And sweet

And good

And filth

Because loss is a deep opening 
Yearning to be closed.

all i have (freeverse)

you've forgotten
but i'm here, carrying this burden 

crushed under the weight of your existence 

i'm breathing memories 
as i swallow bitter time

want to distance myself from your contours 
every line and shape pierces the barrier of my comfort
exposing the raw flesh of vulnerability  

traces of your time imprinted in my perception 
making everything i am, and everything you're not

your appearance haunts the hollowness of my mind you've left behind
as if my substance was yours to extinguish 
and my life; your game to play

dissonant and fragile, i shatter the pieces 
only to bring them together again 

reminded incessantly 
of something you've never felt
but something that made me feel
everything

solutions are a cold dead thing
and your warmth digs a deeper hole 

but if i lose you

i lose all hope 

and hope is all i have 

hiding in books (freeverse)

 

 i hide in these books

my defence against the meaningless 
that grips me, 

loneliness distorts the world, 

distance has left a hole
all reality seeps through

In the words, i found a home 
to mend the distance

Lose myself in pages for a while
waiting for you to find me

your image holds so much truth 
in my world of lies,
i cower at the sight 
yet i'm longing for your gaze  

need to get out of this house
and make this life real again


Throw it with all the others and be done (freeverse)

Have been in this stone too long
unable to breath and move
Set in this place
heart muffled, trembling, 
My fears covered like moss
but i've broken it in two
Revealing the core

Nothing but more stone,
here lies the wreckage of my home
Hard and Heavy
my enemy, my burden
throw it in the lake with all the others,
now i've escaped

It's worth shedding this cold weight

i get into relationships so i can relate to sad music (freeverse)

music to make me feel 
colours to give life 
words to make it real 
pictures capturing an ecstasy 
surreal and abstract 
without this for you, there is no me

and

i don't seek you
i don't feel you,
without these meanings

no joy to realize
we have nothing,
if we don't idealize
 

through art 
we've created our love

my life as a jigsaw puzzle (freeverse)

i'm trying to make sense
of these simple things
they open up in front of me
becoming larger 
more complex
not so simple 
the picture is distorted

a part of it vanished for me,
didn't happen to begin with, 
now i have all these scattered pieces 
trying to fit them 
to solve this puzzle
to understand 

you've solved yours 
making a coherent picture
but i'm here 
fragmented, 
my lines are distorted 
corners jagged 
and there are too many  

i need you 
to take away these pieces 
yours works so well with so few,
i've been trying too hard 
making this 'perfect' picture,
with so many pieces
this puzzle will not end, 
take them away from me 
make me understand
end my puzzle 
complete my picture