my curse (freeverse)

my loneliness, my curse
i find peace but chaos comes as well 

something i draw back into, my comfortability  
something i also want to escape

it's this suffering inside my loneliness
a suffering in its core 
on the outside it gives me what i am but conflicts me
i want to stay away, i don't want to join in 
but i always come back, i always hate it

this indecision tearing me apart
a constant paradox 
wanting and searching 
finding than abandoning 
never ending

all these people i try to escape but it is in them, i am me
it is in them, the thing i want most
once i get it, i  retreat
push away from this source i long for 
going back into loneliness

i don't understand, maybe i never will 
the best people are all in my head
it all makes sense there 



doomed by love (freeverse)

you were just a stranger 
walking by, almost faceless
now i can put a name to the face 
now i know you so much more than a stranger
i am tangled within your web 
i know you now 

days go by, attachment gets stronger 
theres something pulling me closer and closer 
i can't break away from it 
familiarity leaves an open wound 
only closeness can heal 
when i'm near you, i am at peace
you fill in my emptiness
you give me what i lack

months go by, i'm slowly learning who you really are
as the mask fades off
portrayal washes away 
slipping through the cracks, you unveil yourself 
a great flood succumbs me 

before, i could escape
but now it's too late 
you're no longer the stranger 
too much time has been spent
now i must deal with you 
because it is far too late 
to get out of this now
 

with you, it all makes sense (freeverse)

As i feel your warmth 
embrace my body 
it all makes sense
you soothe all of me
joining me in true connection 
with everything
i feel part of this
no longer an outsider 
able to be the truth of my being
no longer concealed by principles or ideals
i become myself entirely 
with you 
i am love, 
i am joy, 
i am anger, 
i am hatred
i am mankind, 
i am the world, 
i am the universe, 
i am everything,
humanity flows through my veins 
i experience all at once and the jubilation of many  
as i look around at all these people
filled with warmth 
i ask the man to fill my glass
so i can experience more of you

saviour of fools (freeverse)

you're complicating the simplest thing
going in circles 
trying to free yourself from the very chains you created 

you say you know the answers 
but you're as clueless as the people you criticize 
you're the worst kind of clueless
you're the kind that spreads your madness onto others 
making them as clueless as you are 

a saviour of fools

you will save them from one madness
to another 
your madness seems to make the most sense
you will save the fools 
and lose everything 

  

i am you (freeverse)

i am you
i wear you when you're tired of wearing yourself 
i take your burden when you can't bare it 
through the years, me and you, we have both grown 
not through age but through mind and spirit 
as time passes, as we both change 
it doesn't matter where we are or who we are
our essence is in each other
you take my guilt and i take yours
we burden ourselves equally
how could i ever lose you? 
when we're both part of this whole 

i am still living it (freeverse)

i am still living it

going through what happened

spent so much time playing the events out in my head 

going through different situations 

what could've been 

what should've been 

time hasn't changed a thing 

people get older and they die 

but it still remains

fixed into its original state

it doesn't change, it never changes

i have to carry it because 

i am still living it 

holding me down

like a cinderblock chained around my ankles

as it submerges me in the bottom of this ocean 

as i flail for breath, it swallows me 

it's very heavy 

the burden of history

I don’t believe in love

I say i don’t believe in love, i am not a horrible person, what i mean is i don’t believe in the ideas that have constructed love thus far. For me, true love is in a persons individuality, it is their own unique self-expression not influenced by any external force or symbolic structure that postulates what it should be. When people speak of love, they are speaking of a systematic and almost inauthentic paradigm perpetuated by a series of ideological and symbolic nuances that have been contingent throughout all of history and culture. The individualism involved in love is stunted giving way for an objective valuation of the term, a valuation that loses the genuine expression of the subjective, turning it into an authoritarian event guided by sets of ideals and regulations one must follow in order for it be “love”. It becomes an entrapment of the modern age, to express love by what it “should” be and not what it is.

the mirror (freeverse)

as a child 
before the self
innocence penetrates the mirror
there is no reflection 
unaware of it
it shatters 
breaking it

before the subject 
there was only life
in its purity 
unknown and curious 
it experiences for the first time
overcome with an abundance
exalted with life 
it seeks the self

with time
reflection shows
mirror is realized
as subject recognizes self 
the mirror offers it new life
by dissolving an old one
as the mirror reflects what is
a being enters the world
it becomes the world
loses the purity 
innocence gone
mirror has swallowed them whole

captivated by the reflection
in the twilight of being  
through mirror and self
it has become one
it knows what it is
tormented by the image 
it seeks destruction
constantly changing 
moving forward
and backward
trying to get back to what once was 
before the mirror
towards purity 

	

apathy and conversation (freeverse)

everyone has these problems, 
these problems talk amongst each other
seems the only reason people converse 
is to share their problems 
that's how i understand it 
the only reason people talk, 
is to express their problems
problems with their life, their job, their school, 
their relationship, their family,
about everything,
it's like living in a constant neurosis 
where i have to look for problems
get pissed at something 
lose my nerve over one thing
just to talk to someone 
everything can't be fine
it can't be going well
because once it is 
theres nothing to talk about,
you're boring,
you got nothing going on 
there is no discourse

"everything is fine?"
"it's all fine" 
"ok fine, have a nice day" 

that's how it always goes 
just left being the quiet one 
what else can you do?
when nothing really seems to bother you?
when your pretty fine with everything?
it's almost like you have no choice but to be quiet 
or you could start being like them 
have something to stress about, worry about, get angry over 
you could be like them 
you could buy into that madness 
maybe then you'll have something to talk about
it seems the most normal thing is for you to live in a hell 
to be miserable 
that's what people expect 
they want others to share in their misery 
everyone connected through despair,
you're an outsider,
if you don't belong to this melancholy 
there must be something wrong with you
why are you so quiet? 
something bothering you? 
the world does not want you 
to be fine 
it wants you to be bruised
like it is
like they are,
yet, you enjoy it,
you enjoy not belonging 
you enjoy not being trapped like them
you enjoy the freedom 
you enjoy being quiet
you enjoy your apathy  
you enjoy it as much as your apathy will let you enjoy it,
maybe you can talk about that.

the cycle i find myself in (freeverse)

trying to find something in strange places
maybe trying to find someone 
looking all around 
feels like its all part of a system 
a structure for me to experience 
to exist for this moment 
in this very instance
an event can change everything
for me, for all these people
what am i trying to find in this crowd?
i'm not sure anymore
why did i come here?
it seems meaningless to me 
maybe i just want to be apart of it
apart of the monotony 
of this place
i could sit somewhere and take it all in 
take in all this movement
this energy 
but i don't want to take anything in 
i go outside
last cigarette 
smoke it to the butt 
watching all the people go by 
all this life here 
escapes me 
becomes so lifeless 
cigarette is finished 
i found nothing 
not even sure why i came 
i head home 
now the meaning comes back 
i know what i'm looking for now 
i've worked it out, as i sit here alone 
i figured out the reason 
next day 
i go again 
it hits me once again 
the emptiness 
i lose the meaning 
why did i come here? 
look all around 
it seems meaningless to me 
i go outside again 
smoke my cigarette 
then i head home 
next day
same thing
and so on